Do you ever feel like your horse doesn’t fit the mould? Like traditional training methods just don’t suit him or her? Despite what your trainer says and seeing other 6-year-olds winning at top levels, you look at your own 6-year-old and celebrate the small victory of them finally allowing you to sit and go forward.
You’re not alone!
I’m seeing a big shift in how we want to train and communicate with our horses. Many clients are asking me questions like, “Nika, when he turns to look at me while I’m doing the girth, I now stop and let him show me what he wants.” Or, “Instead of going in with the mindset of ‘you will,’ I now ask, ‘may we?’”
Conversations like these bring me so much joy, and I feel the need to share something important.
When it comes to training, what if we started viewing it as relationship training—something more than a set of methods or techniques that your horse must conform to, or else be deemed naughty or difficult?
I remember reading a book that described relationship training in two parts:
Recognising that the boundaries and behaviours inherent in the horse’s life as a herd animal facilitate our communication and interaction with them.
Understanding that it’s more important and productive to focus on the relationship between human and horse than on achieving specific results.
At the foundation of any relationship is connection. This connection comes from respect, no expectations, and full compassion. This is where true training begins.
As Warwick Schiller, a renowned horse trainer, once said, “Training is nothing other than attunement.” Attunement between horse and rider, and rider and horse.
Lessons from the Last Few Months
Here are some important lessons I’ve learned recently:
There is no linear timeline for progress with horses.
Horses remind us to be more present.
You can only ignore subtle signs for so long before your horse forces you to listen.
Each day is different.
Sometimes you have to go back three or four steps to make a leap forward.
Remove your expectations.
When your horse says "no" or behaves in a way you consider naughty, instead of adding pressure, listen. Just as humans learn in different ways, so do horses.
A Recent Experience
Yesterday, I had the honour of treating a 6-year-old gelding. Thanks to his owner’s patience, persistence, and consistency, I witnessed the magic of attunement.
This gelding was produced to sell, which meant being started at the age of 3, fed competition feed to look ready, and rushed through the traditional training process. His new owner bought him for her daughter, excited to get started with their new “ready” horse. But just weeks in, the horse began showing lameness and aggression, even striking out when touched. The vet could find no significant issues, and while ulcers were treated, the behaviour only worsened.
The owner decided to take a different approach—relationship training. She gave him time off from the stable life and began piecing together different training methods. It wasn’t always smooth, but after a year of relationship building, I was invited back to treat him.
The difference was remarkable—not just physically, but in his expression. His eyes, once tense and shut down, were now soft and calm. His facial expressions, the tension around his muzzle, everything looked more relaxed. It was like he had aged backward.
As I worked on him, I listened to both the horse and his owner, who had become deeply attuned to his body and behaviour. This wasn't just a physical treatment—it was a collaboration built on trust and understanding.
Final Thoughts
It’s easy to get caught up in traditional training methods and the pressure to achieve results quickly. But relationship training teaches us that the foundation of real progress lies in connection, patience, and listening to your horse. If this story resonates with you and you want to dive deeper into relationship training with your horse, I’m excited to announce that I’m developing a short video course to help you build a stronger bond and improve your horse’s performance.
If you're interested in learning more about this course and how relationship training can transform your connection with your horse, comment below or send me an email! I’d love to hear your thoughts and help guide you through this beautiful journey with your horse.
Thank you ❤️
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